There’s an old idea that being a man is quite simply, walking the path to become yourself. As it is today, many men appear to be doing quite the opposite, moving away from their own true nature by simply going through the motions as husbands, colleagues, fathers, sons and brothers. Of course, these are all vitally important responsibilities — and lifelong commitments — but nonetheless, they remain constantly subject to change.

In the words of poet William Stafford, ‘Who are you really, wanderer?’ and how will you respond when these impermanent roles you play are fundamentally altered, or even taken away? Is it any wonder so many men fall apart when a marriage ends or when we lose our jobs?

As it is, suicide statistics paint a very bleak picture for men, being approximately three times higher than for women in Australia and many other countries. Why? Men often have very rigid expectations about how they are supposed to be as men. The breadwinners, the practical ones. The self-reliant fixers. They doggedly define themselves by these criteria, and very often use them as a measuring stick to compare themselves against other men.

For many men, it doesn’t have to even come close to reaching a critical stage before things begin to unravel. We might simply be feeling disconnected; that something isn’t quite right. A gnawing in the gut. However, we just cover up the cracks and continue to look externally for what we think will appease us.

We might even eventually learn that it’s not about material success: Do you notice that even when you attain the thing you desire, it is never enough?

It’s not about finding a partner or having children either, for as life-affirming as that is, we can’t expect others to be responsible for our own state of being.

The point is, we are not looking in the right direction. The answer won’t be found in our external experience, in finding purpose or setting goals outside of ourselves that are often given to us via the expectations of others, our culture, society. If we operate in that way, we simply become what the world makes us, not who we truly are.

We need to turn inward to find our true purpose. In beginning to realise our full potential as men, we must learn to pay attention to our hearts, and to the quality of our thoughts, words and actions.

We then learn that it is not about ‘up and out’ spiritual ascension either, but ‘inward and down’ to the depths of our souls, where we can get in touch with the old stories, the places we are wounded, learn to examine them and express our grief. For many men, this is the doorway that — once opened — reveals the very spark of our genius, educating our hearts and illuminating our lives with depth and meaning.

If any of this resonates with you, seek out other men and sit together in brotherhood. Have conversations that go beneath the surface. Breathe. Meditate. Sing. Laugh. Cry. Tell stories and read poetry. Make art.

Before long, you will begin to see fundamental shifts occurring. You will learn to take responsibility for your actions, get in touch with your intuition, act more decisively, communicate more clearly, attain the deepest levels of respect for the feminine, while feeling profoundly connected with yourself, others and the universe.

You will understand your true potential, one borne of strength, love, purpose and joy.